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14/7/2025 Evening

Bosphorus Cruise

Istanbul is incomplete without this, so I booked a sunset cruise.  There were many I suspected to be Russians on board. The men (older) all had extravagant watches (genuine, not fakes from the Bazaar), and a coarse brutality to their features. From the thickness of their necks all would suffer from sleep apnea, and reflux from their ample bellies. The women (younger) were festooned with ostentatious jewellery, lips and tits plumped to bursting, each carrying enough botox to be a bio-weapon, unable to show any expression, their physiognomic gearbox stuck in neutral. 

My suspicions confirmed after hearing a few syllables - the language is instantly recognisable, and always sounds threatening even with innocuous phrases like “Can I park here?”, which while being a question, is invariably interpreted as the statement: “I park here.”

You don’t say ‘Nyet’, you just affirm.

I resisted the urge to say “Slava Ukraine”, as I was outnumbered (and being a coward, not wishing to swim in the Bosphorus - these guys know how to throw people off high places). These were clearly ‘Bratva’.

The women coruscated with a synthetic effulgence, dimmed by the darkness of their companions souls.

[I enjoyed writing that pretentious sentence (a ‘pretensentence’?).

I am however very mindful of the heights of Russian culture, which I admire. I am currently reading ‘Dead Souls’ by Nikolai Gogol in an attempt to become more literate (and maybe stop a doomscrolling habit). It is a spectacularly good read, a masterpiece laced with cynicism and very dark humour. Often hilarious. Full of erudition and wit. 

A friend recently described me as “at best, half erudition, but definitely half-wit.”

The cruise was very relaxing, beautiful buildings on the shore, and a cool breeze welcome relief on a hot day. The Russian women did not outshine the sun glittering on the Bosphorus.

I could have done the cruise for less $$, and without distorted unintelligible commentary from our onboard host over corroded speakers if I just caught some public transport ferries, but I had forgotten the instructions from reception on day one, couldn’t read the map, and couldn’t bother Googling.

15/7/2025

Four Museums in one day

Too hot to wander around outside, it was a day of refuge indoors. I set off well fed, even after sending 80% of my breakfast back untouched.

Basilica Cisterna

Short queue, still had touts offering ‘skip the line’ tickets when I was actually pulling out my card to buy the ticket at the counter. Very impressive example of engineering - a vast underground cavern for the city’s water supply, dating from the 6th century. Forgotten for centuries, rediscovered in 1565, then restored in phases in 1985 & 2020. An incredible sight. 5 star.

Turkish & Islamic Arts Museum

No queue at all. The place was nearly empty. Wonderful examples of arts, clothing, carpets. 4 star.

Istanbul Museum of the History of Science and Technology in Islam

A hokey, very run down museum with mostly replica items. NOT air conditioned, so very stifling. There was a guard at the entrance, with a metal detector gateway. It was turned off, the guard languishing half asleep in the heat.  Quite fascinating and educational nonetheless, but the Melbourne Islamic Museum is far, far better. Don’t bother going here unless it’s a cool day and you’re very bored. 1 star.

Istanbul Modern Art Museum

A really wonderful experience of predominantly Turkish artists. A very modern building, with a well curated selection, mercifully free of many examples of the sort of installation to which one responds “I could do that!”. 5 star.

On the way back to the hotel, I was tempted by a kebab, chicken or lamb (which I thought the better of after the ridiculously portioned breakfast - still full!!).

A sign at a restaurant said ‘Killed by traditional Islamic methods’. 

I pondered briefly how one would strap a vest or belt to a chicken? How big a detonation is needed - is a large firecracker enough? Is it necessary for the chicken to peck the detonator itself, to be a martyr, or is remote controlled OK? 

My mind often wanders to places it shouldn’t.